Late night ponderings

As I sit here awake at nearly midnight, I recall what an emotional day it has been. So many things going on. All I wanted to do is finish my dresser, do a bit of laundry,and make some delicious veggie soup. Ok, so I did all of that, but in between I cried. I cried for the strength it took for my dear to let go that little bit. And I cried when my sister shared how our father had become "fragile". He has always been a strong man. A commanding presence in a room. I see him as that young father who took his children fishing at the dam, with cane poles. Who built a campfire and whittled hot dog sticks for roasting those yummy club franks, and who treated us with Ruffles potato chips and French onion dip on those excursions. I see the young father who helped make individual jell-o molds for his children and made homemade chip dip with cream cheese, onion soup and horseradish on Sunday nights so the family could watch the Wonderful World of Disney together. I agree with my sister, that my father is still that young man, somewhere deep inside, and one day soon, too soon, I fear, he will stand next to God as that young man again, healthy, vibrant. And part of me wants that for him. I saw a movie last week, and a woman was in the same situation, more or less... And she said it perfectly... "I can accept that he is going to die, I just can't accept that he's going to be that way forever." Now I know that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and that we are all going to die, eventually. But I don't believe I am ready for my father to leave just yet. Whatever happens, whenever it happens, I know that I will survive, I will be strong because that is what he taught me. And the best way I can honor him is to be that strong little girl/woman who he raised.